Letter dated: 2/9/2018
Post date: 2/15/2018
TO ALL MY FRIEND AND SUPPORTERS: I love you and I extremely appreciate all the love and encouragement that y’all gave me for my birthday!
It really means the world to me to have your love and support! It gives me a lots of hope and strength! I wish I could write all of y’all back but I have received close to 40 cards and letters and I’ll be honest I don’t have enough stamps to! I will try though!
I cannot believe that I’m 40 years old! I honestly never thought I’d live to be 40 yrs old! But I’m grateful that I’m alive and that I will be free within the next 5 years! I come up for parole in 2021 and I have high hopes that I will make it! I’m so sick of this place it hurts! It is sad I have been locked up most of my life – I have more time in prison than I have had in society! I have missed out on so much, and to be honest – I’m kinda scared! For years I have wanted out of prison – I dream about being free- what I want to do, the places I want to see, but, now I’m close to getting out and I won’t lie to you it scares the hell out of me and I have actually thought about committing suicide because it is so overwhelming! I’m not- but it is crazy! Can you imagine spending close to 30 years in prison – Ad -Seg – and then being released? I have no real life experience! I have never washed clothes, cooked, paid bills, legally drove a car, and now in a few short years I will be driving a car! LOL! Oh shit! I have drove a car a few times but I can see myself driving down the highway and an 18 wheeler blows by me at 100 mph – I’m going to be shooting right through the roof or worse! But I’m determined to get out and rebuild my life and enjoy my freedom! Prison hasn’t ruined me to the point that I’m helpless!
I actually believe prison has saved my life in some ways and gave me an opportunity to mature and get my priorities in order! When I was a kid I will be honest with you, I didn’t give a damn and if I didn’t end up in prison, I would be dead because I was out of control! However I think prisons are wrong and its messed up to send a kid to prison and make them spend almost their entire life in prison! I wish I had the solution but I don’t – yet surely we can find a better way to set someone straight that doesn’t involve throwing them in prison!
I often spend hours thinking about what to do when I get out.. the places I want to see, etc. One thing that I really think about is this: what type of job will I have? what will it be like to fall asleep next to my girlfriend snuggled up next to me!? Will I freak out if she puts her arm around me while I’m asleep? I haven’t had any physical interactions for 23 yrs! Every time I come out of my cell I’m in handcuffs! I have had contact – but it was for less than an hour! But I’m talking about living with someone – interacting on a personal level! I have never actually slept with someone!
BUT I’M READY! I’M DETERMINED TO MAKE IT – WHEN I GET OUT NOT ONLY AM I GOING TO REBUILD MY LIFE – I’M GOING TO ENJOY IT!!!! I’m going to fulfill my dreams and do my best to give others the love y’all have blessed me with! One thing is for sure I want to meet all my friends and supporters and give y’all huge hugs, and to personally tell you thanks! I love u, -V